36 week pregnancy affirmations

Nowadays when I leave the house, strangers say things like,

• "You look like you're ready to go any minute now!"
• "You mean they're going to 'LET' you go that long???"
• "Are you sure that's your due date?"
• "You look really uncomfortable."
• "HOW much longer???"

Pregnancy (for me, anyway) is uncomfortable enough without strangers rubbing it in, reminding me, bringing me down, and/or discouraging me. See related post "Wide variety of healthy and normal in pregnancy."

These are things I tell myself to counter the negative things people say:

• It's easier to take care of baby now, inside of me, than it will be once he's here.
• He's growing on his timetable, getting exactly what he needs. It doesn't matter if he goes past my due date because a 40+ weeker is often more neurologically mature, a better nurser, cries less, easier to comfort, etc. than a 37 weeker. (I realize there are exceptions to this. Let me reiterate, these are things I tell myself to comfort myself since I know that I will almost certainly go past 40 weeks and I'm committed to allowing him to choose his own birthday, barring medical problems.)
• My body is well designed and knows exactly what it's doing. I'm healthy (in spite of my heartburn, SPD, and waddle). My baby is healthy. My body has grown my baby from the size of a mustard seed to 7, 8, or 9+ lb without any input from me, and my body is smart enough, capable enough, and competent enough to continue its important work for this upcoming last month. My body knows when to go into labor, and what kind of labor this baby needs for his timing and positioning. 
• My body also knows how to nurse this baby. What a sweet reward that will be for my labor!
• As we count down days to my due date on a paper chain, the chain starts looking a lot smaller, while the list of nesting that needs done before his arrival keeps getting longer! There's no need to wish away these last few weeks when I need every minute of that to prepare our home, as well as prepare my body and mind for greeting this baby.
• It won't be much longer, and I won't be pregnant any more. This *might* be my last pregnancy. In spite of all the discomforts, pregnancy is still a miracle. It's still thrilling and amazing to feel his every move inside of me, in spite of the fact that this is my 6th pregnancy and 5th live baby. I know I'll miss feeling him squirm inside of me. I'm trying to treasure that now.
• The minute that labor is over with and he's in my arms, my round-the-clock heartburn and reflux will be OVER!!! Like MAGIC!!!! Another sweet reward for labor!
• Yes, I'm a public spectacle when I go out in public with my children, ages 9, 7, 5, and 3--with an obvious 3rd trimester baby bump. Oh well. Who cares. My children are well behaved, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. My children are a blessing!
• The next few weeks will be a great time to work in a few last one-on-one activities with my first four children. There's no use in wishing baby would hurry up when I haven't completed these quality time activities with my kids!
• Friends gave us a Chili's restaurant gift card, Starbucks gift card, and offered to watch our kids so that my husband and I can have a special date together, stress-free and guilt-free, before baby comes. There's no use in wishing baby would hurry up when we haven't even gotten to claim our date yet!
• A friend gifted me with money for a pedicure before baby comes, and offered to go with me to get it done. There's no use in wishing baby would hurry up when I haven't gotten my pedicure yet!
• Some time ago, I bartered a childbirth class with a friend who is a massage therapist and promised me a massage. I haven't claimed that massage yet, and she encouraged me to find a time that she can give me a massage before baby arrives. How welcome that massage will be for my poor aching pregnant body! There's no use in wishing baby would hurry up when I haven't gotten my pedicure yet!
• In summary: there's no use in wishing baby would hurry up! All in good time.

What positive thoughts or phrases helped you survive the last few weeks or months of pregnancy?

Belly shot at 32 weeks along

The info on this photo says it was taken Oct. 30. I've lost track. I think I was 32 weeks? I'm behind on posting stuff. I still haven't even posted my 20 week ultrasound pictures! I don't have a scanner, so it would entail taking good photos of the physical paper ultrasound images (without glare), then straightening and cropping and uploading. 

I'm feeling... well... 8 months pregnant, I guess, is the most fair and honest way to say it without complaining too much. I realize I'm blessed to be healthy and not to have any health problems or complications, and we're blessed that baby is healthy and growing on pace. I'm aware that there are many moms who would gladly trade me places if they could, even with all the pregnancy discomforts and inconveniences. If I'm going to be honest, though, I'll confess I'm pretty uncomfortable a majority of the time. I know I'm in the home stretch, though. I know I'll feel better right away as soon as this baby is out of me.

With preparation for Thanksgiving and then Christmas coming up, I'm sure the last few weeks will go pretty quickly. I'm glad to have a lot of distractions.

Guest post: plans for hospital VBA2C change to repeat cesarean

Well Rounded reader Sarah shared her birth story in her own words. Thank you for sharing, Sarah.


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I’ve had three cesareans.  The first one was not by choice.  The second one was a decision based on lies.  The third was part of the big picture, not mine, but part of a plan, nonetheless.  

When I was pregnant with our first child, I had never even considered going to a birthing center or a midwife.  I went to a practice of obstetricians that had three male doctors.  I went to a birthing class given by the hospital.  Wasn’t that what all pregnant women did?  

Around month 7, I noticed a very hard lump under my rib cage.  I kept asking the doctor if this perhaps could be my son’s head.  He kept reassuring me that he could feel the head “down there”.  My husband even voiced his concerns and again the doctor said it was all fine.  At week 40, my cervix was 85% effaced, but I hadn’t dilated at all.  My official OB was in Paris on vacation, so I saw another doctor from the practice.  He immediately ordered an ultrasound to determine the baby’s position.  Breech.  He said, “You are going in tomorrow morning for a C-section.”  I cried.  It didn’t even occur to me to question this decision that was made for us.  Our birth story was forever altered by a stranger.  

There was never any mention of exercises to correct a breech presentation.  There was never any mention of attempting aversion.  There was never any mention of attempting labor to see if the child might flip over during contractions.  They didn’t cover cesareans in the ill-informative birthing class.

When I became pregnant with our second child, I inquired about attempting a VBAC.  My OB immediately shot my request down.  “Why would you want to do that?”  Also, he said that the rate of uterine rupture was much higher than they originally thought.  He said the risk of rupture was over 30%. [Well Rounded Birth Prep adds: The actual statistics for uterine rupture for VBAC range from 0.7% to 0.9%.]  Who would want to take that risk?  My husband and I immediately scheduled the repeat cesarean.  It never occurred to us to check those statistics out on our own.  Why would our doctor lie to us???

I was all set to have my third cesarean with our third pregnancy.  But, I had met some other women who had stories to tell.  I felt that God was urging me in another direction.  Believe me; I didn’t want to go there.  Who is crazy enough to attempt a VBAC after two C-sections?  How misinformed I was!  After much prayer, my husband and I decided to go for a VBA2C.  We hired a doula and educated ourselves with informative, private birthing classes.  What an eye-opener.  Why was this information not presented in a doctor’s office or a hospital-sanctioned birth class?  We prepared to deliver our third child naturally, but in a hospital setting.  

At week 41, I finally went into labor on a Wednesday.  I was still having consistent and stronger contractions on Thursday.  By the time Friday rolled around, I was having pretty strong contractions like clockwork, every 4 minutes and 60 seconds long.  We decided Friday evening to go to the hospital.  

Within an hour upon arrival, the high-risk doctor came in to tell us our baby was in distress and we needed to immediately go to surgery.  My husband kicked everyone out of the room and we prayed together.  The baby’s heart rate instantly dropped to normal.  This would be just one out of many urgings from the many doctors we saw to have a C-section.  The fear of uterine rupture from the staff was palpable.  We ignored them.  I found out that there had never been a VBA2C in that hospital before, according to our labor nurse of 30 years in that facility.  I think the staff thought we were complete freaks, but we were given our space to labor alone.  

Saturday morning, I was still laboring naturally.  My husband and I were having an extremely emotional, intimately bonding experience, even in the hospital.  It was very spiritual with our praying and quoting scripture and breathing through contractions.  We made the decision to not use our doula; it was that special for us both.  We were walking and eating and drinking.  I was taking hot showers.  Basically, we were doing everything the hospital said I shouldn’t/couldn’t do.  

Around 3 pm on Saturday, the baby went into distress for the second time.  The doctor suspected meconium in the amniotic fluid.  So, I agreed to let him break the water to check.  It was tainted.  The doctor strongly urged us to have a C-section.  Again we requested to be alone and prayed and the baby’s heart rate returned to normal.  I continued to labor for the next five hours until we had a cesarean Saturday evening.  

I am not privy to the big picture.  I totally felt God’s presence through this entire experience.  I had wanted to have a vaginal birth and felt that God had opened us to this idea.  Lots of people had questions as to why didn’t we do this or why did we do that.   I can’t answer that.  I know God’s hand was in the entire experience and delivered us through it safely.  It was an incredible birth.

My husband and I, as well as so many friends and family, had prayed fervently to have a labor-friendly nurse and OB on call when I went into labor.  I definitely feel so blessed to have had that particular doctor on call that Saturday.  He was very honest and up front about not doing anything we didn’t agree to do.  He even stayed past his designated shift because he felt that he couldn’t leave us with the next on-call doc.  Our labor nurse told us directly that she could only recommend something, that she couldn’t enforce anything.  I highly respect these individuals and am not in any way trying to bash medical professionals.  The key in this was our vocalization.  My husband was the voice.  He said “No!” on more than one occasion.    

What I do know is that I have choices.  It is up to you to inform yourself about birth.  Don’t let someone else decide for you.  I fully believe cesareans are a necessary surgery when it is necessary.  I am not anti-cesarean at all.  I just believe all women should be informed about the “typical” birth in this country.  That is what I take from this experience.  I will educate my daughters (and son, for that matter) to be their own advocates.  They will have choices that I never knew I had.  They will get to write their own birth stories, I hope and pray.  

What do prenatal checkups look like with homebirth midwives?

I remembered viewing this video some time ago, posted by another momma who had an OB for her previous pregnancy and was seeing a midwife for this pregnancy. (Not sure of her birth location for either.) She put together this funny but 100% true video outlining the actual time spent and how it was spent, at her OB appointments vs. at her midwife appointments. The average amount of time a pregnant momma spends face-to-face with her OB at each appointment is 6 minutes. This momma actually spent 3 minutes face-to-face with her OB. That doesn't leave a lot of time for asking questions, discussing birth plans and preferences, and scoping out OB's birth philosophy and standard routines/practices, let alone relationship-building. My first pregnancy and birth was with an OB group that had 2 midwives in the practice, but the midwives practices were closely in line with the OBs', both with prenatal checkups and at births. The timeline in this video lines up with my experiences at the OB office.

I've had several people ask me what a typical midwife appointment looks like. It will vary from midwife to midwife, and it will also depend on where she practices (hospital, birth center, or homebirth). Her practices may depend on state laws or on the policies of the hospital or birth center where she works, if she's not independent.

Here's a photo essay of a typical prenatal appointment with my primary midwife of the last nearly-8 years, through 3 home waterbirths (thus far), 1 loss, and this upcoming birth. Angy (Angelita) Nixon, CNM has been my primary midwife through it all. Jennifer Stewart, CPM, was my assisting midwife at my other homebirths, and I love her to pieces, but she has a wonderful opportunity to move to California to attend homebirths. She'll be moving before I have my baby, so Dorothy Kaeck, CPM, will be the assisting midwife at my upcoming homebirth. Dorothy is wonderful too, and I'd have been happy to have had her at any of my prior births, but she has only been in WV for 2 years. Here is an overview of the personalized, one-on-one care I receive from my gentle, experienced midwives.

I arrived at my midwife's home/office for my prenatal appointment. What a view.

I got my kids settled in with the toys they brought and the toys that my midwife keeps in her living room for visiting children.

Unlike OB appointments that frequently require moms to wait with a full bladder in a waiting room for up to 30 minutes, I headed directly for the powder room, where I collected the sample, then tested it myself with the test strips my midwife leaves under her bathroom sink.
*Note* the Urine Collection Container in this photo is clean and empty. You're welcome.

This is my midwife's exam room. I didn't need it today.

My primary midwife, Angy, with her cup of coffee, just the way a prenatal should start.

My assisting midwife, Dorothy, making notes in my charts. I told her my weight from this morning when I weighed myself at home, then I told her that my urine sample was negative for both glucose and protein (which is good news on both accounts).  How freeing it is to have that kind of trust with one's care providers.

My kids think that my midwife's spiral staircase is the most fun part of the appointments. That, and smelling her candles to find their favorites.

Dorothy gets ready to prick my finger for the fasting blood sugar test.  She looks way too happy to be inflicting this... Just kidding. It wasn't bad. (At my previous appointment, she drew a vial of blood for the thorough 2 hour blood sugar test plus hemoglobin check and other blood screens. It all came back with healthy results.)

Explaining to my kids what Miss Dorothy is doing and why.

She checks my blood pressure.

My son tries to get her to smell his feet, while stealing her chair. Successfully. He's a charmer.

Having the fasting blood sugar test behind me, now it's time for breakfast. My midwife made me Starbucks coffee and put half & half and sugar in it and brought it to me. I had brought with me 3 pumpkin muffins I made, and I shared the 3rd one with my midwives.

Leopold's Maneuvers, which allow Dorothy to determine baby's position. He is head-down, Right Occiput Anterior.

My son is the blur on the left, always in motion, taking it all in.

Are your prenatals this fun/funny?

Dorothy gave me the option of listening to baby's heartbeat using fetoscope or Doppler. I prefer to use fetoscope when possible to limit unnecessary exposure to ultrasound waves. Dorothy was able to find his healthy heartbeat.

My son is fascinated. I wonder how this will shape his views of healthy and normal pregnancy and birth, for his own future wife and children?

My 5 year old knows more than most adults do about normal pregnancy and birth.

Dorothy let me try to hear baby's heartbeat with the fetoscope, but I couldn't hear it over my children's (quiet-ish) noise. I was content to take her word for it that she heard it and it sounded great. 

Dorothy measures from my pubic bone to my fundus. Baby is measuring 31.5 cm when I'm at 30 weeks, but that's within normal, and could just be a growth spurt or a due to his position.

I arrived at my midwife's home/office right at 9:30 for my checkup (9:30 checkup time). I had 0 waiting time. In between photos, we discussed how I'm feeling, whether I've experienced swelling (some but minimal), how frequently I've been noticing baby's movements and how/when to do kick counts, whether I've had Braxton Hicks contractions, whether I've had any troubling physical symptoms (I haven't), how to recognize symptoms of preterm labor, how and when to get rid of Braxton Hicks contractions, benefits of perineal massage and when to begin, benefits of Evening Primrose Oil and when to begin, what kind of birth control plans we have, what plans I'm making with my doula, scheduled my next appointment for 2 weeks from now, and chatted about what's new in the last 2 weeks since I saw them.

All inclusive, I was there 1 hour 15 minutes, with everything covered at a leisurely and relaxed pace. No wonder I so look forward to prenatals. It's just about the only time I have to devote to real focus on my pregnancy and baby, since life gets so busy with the everyday functions of running a house of 6.

I realize that there are a lot of variations in care among OBs and midwives. This is just *my* experience with *my* midwives. What have been your experiences? Have you changed care providers and experienced different practices?

"Look, Mom! I made a placenta!"

"Look, Mom! I made a placenta!" My 7 year old said this to me, completely not staged. This was with her brand new Silly Putty. See the umbilical cord attached to the placenta. I was a mixture of amused and proud of her. I guess it's pretty clear that she's the child of a childbirth educator. I'm sorry the pic is a bit blurry, but it's the only one I took, and I can't go back and re-do the whole thing and force her to make *another* placenta out of Silly Putty.

30 weeks along belly pic

Yes, I'm 30 weeks along. Yes, I'm aware that's only 7 1/2 months. Yes, we're sure it's not twins, and we're as certain as we can be about our due date range.

I'm doing OK. I exercised so faithfully until a little over a month ago, then discovered that I couldn't manage to get myself and all 4 kids to the YMCA and back in a reasonable enough time to exercise *then* do homeschool when we got home, so something had to give. "Something" turned out to be both my Pilates class and water aerobics class. I am still trying to find something I can do that doesn't interfere with school (either with the time slot or with my energy level and ability to keep up with other life responsibilities). With my third baby, I did a great job getting on the treadmill 4-5 days a week, walking 25 minutes, but I have so much hip/pelvic pain that walking (waddling) is a challenge. I'm still seeing a chiropractor weekly for upkeep, maintenance, and prevention of malpositioning. I'm still taking the "right" supplements for my needs. I am still doing Spinning Babies inversions daily for prevention of malpositioning. I had lots of SPD pain and pelvic/hip pain with my last pregnancy. Sacroiliac pain began months ago. SPD started about a month ago, but not yet as painful as it got with my last baby. I guess it's the fault of relaxin + 6th pregnancy.

Reflux started several weeks ago, as well. I avoid eating late in the evening, and if I'm feeling refluxy, I eat ginger products that I have around from morning sickness prevention/remedy. The best solution, for me, has been sleeping on a wedge pillow. You know, ones from the home health section of pharmacies? I don't like sleeping on an incline, but it's the best of the available options. It beats getting up, going downstairs, then attempting to sleep alone on our recliner. It also beats sitting bolt upright every 20 minutes with reflux.

Church friends of ours, Kim and Dave, gave us an upright freezer for our garage! This was the most exciting baby gift I could have asked for. How was that a baby gift? I'm hoping to fill it before baby comes, since I won't have time or energy to cook for quite a while. Maybe I can get by with fewer grocery store trips if I stock up now, too. I have been saving an article from Better Homes & Gardens since October 2009 with brilliant organizing ideas for an upright freezer. Just wait til I'm done with this freezer. It'll be a work of art.

I guess we're cruising right along, trying to tread water with the same everyday things we all have with children this age (school, afterschool activities, feeding our family of 6+, and trying to keep up with the laundry). I just figured it was about time for an update, in case anyone was wondering.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, whether I wanted to or not.

October 15th rolled around again: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I haven't mourned my loss of Evan Michael in so long I can't remember. (If you want to read the backstory, here's my post on The Day My World Came Crashing Down.) There are lots of reasons, I guess, but primarily because I've been too busy with responsibilities, deadlines, and other emotionally demanding issues that I haven't devoted any time to grief. I think I mistakenly tried to convince myself that I'm "making progress" or "moving forward" or some such baloney, since I haven't cried about it in so long and I can almost always talk about what happened calmly and with a level voice, as if I were recounting something that happened to somebody else, or maybe something I read about. On the anniversary of my loss this past April, and on the anniversary of burying Evan's remains in May, I didn't even get out my memory box or photo album.

It might have been October 15th last year when I last cried about Evan. I didn't pay much attention to October 15th coming up today. I didn't make special plans to memorialize his short life, light a candle during the Wave of Light around the world, or even post anything in particular about it on my Facebook. In fact, I rather wanted to avoid the subject altogether because I felt that if I ignored it, I'd be able to go along with my weekend as I have any other weekend.

Today snuck up on me and overtook me. Part of the difficulty of October 15th, for me, is that it coincides with Evan's due date/week, October 21, 2007. I feel on edge and melancholy from October 15 through 21, most years. Maybe I'm hormonal, at just-now 30 weeks pregnant. Maybe I needed a release valve for a number of other (unrelated) stresses. Or maybe I'm *still* ignoring the obvious: it was time to remember Evan, whether I was ready to or not.

I cried on and off all day. I managed to busy myself doing laundry, re-organizing the laundry room, culling outgrown kids' clothes, changing out seasonal clothes and new sizes for some of the kids, and using my label maker to get my laundry room and kids' dressers better organized (on the off chance that we could have people helping us with laundry after the baby comes). Anything that involves using my label maker substantially brightens my day. Additionally, Rick took me and our two older girls (ages 9 and 7; the 2 youngers are at their aunt's house tonight) to a Japanese Hibachi for dinner, which is a great show and an amazing meal. It was the girls' first time at a Hibachi, and they thoroughly enjoyed it. I felt much better once I got out of the house. I was too afraid to leave the house earlier in the day because I was afraid I'd have a blubbering meltdown, completely unprovoked, in the middle of the grocery store, at 7.5 months pregnant (but looking full term). I couldn't risk it.

Today, it felt like my emotional dam burst. I wanted to get it over with and move on with my day, but it kept resurfacing. I couldn't control or contain it. I just had to ride the waves.

I'd like to say, "Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a new day," but I know that I won't truly feel the shroud removed from me until October 21 has passed, which would/could/should have been Evan's 4th birthday.

I guess I'm not immune to grief. Few are, and the odds were against me. It's part of the process, so I may as well embrace it, rather than feel like a failure for crumbling, for revealing vulnerability.