It reminded me of an insightful blog post by childbirth educator Donna Ryan (Banned From Baby Showers). She told of an experience she had with her 9 year old daughter Abby's friend who was shocked to learn that Abby was born at home in a pool of water. Her response? "Did a doctor come to your house to get her out of your stomach?!"
This is all too common. The first time I heard something similar was 2004, when I was pregnant with my second baby. At a moms' group, one mom shared that she had had all four of her children by cesarean and she was very glad for that because it made explaining "The Facts of Life" a lot easier for her. All she had to say was simply that to get the baby out, mommy goes to the hospital and the doctor cuts the baby out. I didn't want to make waves, since I was the newcomer in the group and a fairly new mom to boot, so I didn't speak up, but is that what you want your children to think? That normal, average birth means major abdominal surgery?
With each of my pregnancies, I let my children watch natural birth videos with me (positive and less graphic ones) to help them understand how the new sibling would come out. I explained as much as they seemed ready to understand, and it was pretty simple when they were 3, 4, or 5 years old. "God makes a way for the baby to come out through Mommy's vagina like a tunnel. It's a lot of hard work. It hurts, but it's pain with a purpose, and there's nothing to be afraid of. With the pain is joy and love. It's totally worth it, and I look forward to it." How difficult is that?
Several friends lately have told me that their daughters, now coming into preteen ages of 8 through 10, have said that they don't want to have kids when they grow up because they don't want to have surgery. How sad is that? They really believe that surgery is the only way babies are born. Nobody can promise anyone who will or will not need a cesarean, but the World Health Organization has stated that the cesarean rate should not exceed 15% or else more harm is being done than good. America's most current cesarean rate is 32.9% (2008 statistics), which has climbed for the 13th consecutive year.
One mom has two older children (a son 10 years old and a daughter 8 years old), both of whom were born by cesarean. She realized after the fact that the first cesarean was likely preventable, and the second cesarean did not have to have been an elective repeat cesarean and said that if she had another baby, she would seek a VBAC. With her next pregnancy, she was fearful, and her OB pressured her to schedule a repeat elective cesarean. During discussions with her husband and children as to the pros and cons of trial of labor VBAC versus elective repeat cesarean, her son said, "Mom, you may as well schedule it. You know the baby isn't going to come out that way [vaginally]." Even though she *did* eventually choose an elective repeat cesarean, that comment still hurt her, the fact that her son had no faith in her body's ability to give birth normally.
What are we doing to the next generation? Will children born in 2011 think that vaginal birth is obsolete? In my geographic area, many hospitals have a 50% or higher cesarean rate. Will children automatically assume that if and when they have children, they or their spouse will have to undergo major surgery to give birth?
I'm not trying to belittle cesareans (nor mothers who have had them), no matter whether individual cesareans were elective or scheduled or emergency or life-saving, and this isn't the post to weigh risks versus benefits of cesarean or vaginal birth. Regardless of the parents' experiences, the next generation deserves to know the truth: normal, vaginal birth is possible and attainable for the majority of mothers...IF they want it.
The same story plays out with our beliefs on our bodies' abilities to go into labor on their own, to give birth vaginally, to breastfeed, and more. I've heard many variations of this from moms of my generation:
- "My mom (sister, etc.) wasn't able to breastfeed, so I probably won't be able to, either."
- "My two sisters didn't go into labor on their own and had to be induced, so I probably will have to as well."
- and now that the cesarean rate is so high "My mom had to have cesareans with all three of us, so I will probably have to have a C-section, too."
My question is this: What do you want *your* children to believe when they are grown about birth, cesareans, and women's bodies' ability (or inability) to give birth? What would you tell your child (in an actual or theoretical conversation)?
If you would like for your response to be included in the Part 2 post, email it to me at wellroundedbirthprep (at) gmail (dot) com. I'm accepting submissions until January 15. Your submission by email gives me permission to post your response. I can post your response with your name (first name, initials, or whole name) or withhold your name, at your request. The length is up to you, anywhere from 1 sentence to 1 paragraph to 1 page. Thanks!
It is a sad reality that normal birth is becoming so abnormal. Let us hope and pray that those who still believe in birth as it was meant to be, can make an impact toward this trend, by sharing facts and experiences with others.
ReplyDeleteWow! I had no idea kids are thinking about c-sections being normal! Very troubling. Rarely, I have been able to inspire someone to seek a natural homebirth, but most of the time, people continue on with OBs and hospitals. I just figure it's their own business, (which it is), but I hadn't even thought about how it's subconsciously affecting, molding, and programming the next generation.
ReplyDeleteI just had a similar conversation with my 9yo stepdaughter. I'm not pregnant yet, but she knows that we're going to have more children and is very excited about that. She says in the car the other day "I'm scared to have babies one day because they have to put that big needle in your SPINE! I don't like needles and that's really scary, aren't you scared?????" She was born in the all-too-typical way....induction on due date, epidural, failure to progress, section. My response? "Honey, you don't have to have that shot in your spine, that's not the way it has to be, your body will know what to do if you just let it do it. I'm not going to have that shot, I'm probably not even going to a hospital!" This was met with much shock and questions, that I answered factually and clearly. She totally got it, and I'm sure there will be more questions. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story, Courtney! I can't wait to hear your epilogue. You're a great example for your stepdaughter.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know what a c-section was until I was 12! Before that, I assumed every woman had a vaginal birth. I was about 13-14 when I noticed that it seemed like every woman at church was getting induced and having a c-section soon after, so I started questioning the necessity of induction and cesarean. Although I didn't know what induction entailed at the time. I guess I was on to something.
ReplyDeleteThat is a sad thought, and probably very true. I don't have children yet, but I have a lot of faith in my ability to give birth vaginally because most births on my mom's side of the family were uncomplicated, sometimes-unmedicated vaginal births. (Actually, I'm the C-section baby that messed up that track record!)
ReplyDeleteI can easily imagine that if all of those women had had C-sections instead, I would have a lot less faith in my body's ability to give birth.
Laura and Amanda, thanks for your input. I'm so glad that you both saw positive examples growing up, of what birth is and can be.
ReplyDeleteLove this post and the way you talked to your kids about birth. I am currently scheduled to have a home birth (my first was born at a birthing center, my second at home), and my children really don't know much about c-sections at all. It saddens me that more women cannot trust their bodies to give birth vaginally and that we are so bent on getting induced because of convenience for doctors or women who feel bored with being pregnant (believe me, I am not including pre-eclampsia, etc. in this set) and want the baby delivered at 38/39 weeks. I can only do the best I can teaching my own children to listen to and trust their own bodies and experience my own joy and triumph that surrounds giving birth vaginally.
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