Well Rounded Birth Prep

Well Rounded Birth Prep

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Monday, May 9, 2011

I'm pregnant (yes, AGAIN!).

Wednesday, April 20, 2011, I was on day 32 waiting for my cycle. This wasn't unusual for me, since my cycles vary from 26 to 34 days. Rick and I were going on a 3-day-2-night mini-trip without the kids; Rick had a work conference he had to attend and I was tagging along, figuring that I could shop and relax while he was in meetings. (This was a first, literally. We rarely have a babysitter even for one evening. We had never taken a trip without the kids.) We were leaving that evening, so I took the test early that morning, just so I could get a negative result and have it off my mind. I really did NOT anticipate seeing two lines. Just to be sure, I took the second test, which was a different brand, and figured that the odds of two false-positives were nearly nil.

So, I'm pregnant again. This is my 6th pregnancy (5th live baby); my oldest child is 8 (but will be 9 by the time baby comes). I'm due late December 2011 or early January 2012. This should be interesting.

I've put off posting it publicly for a number of reasons. I've had several time-sensitive, time-intensive, stressful issues that I've had to deal with. I'm homeschooling my four kids. I have been teaching private birth classes. My hubby usually works late. And I was just recovering from 2 bouts of strep within a month.

But mostly, I'm not prepared (still) to deal with any criticism. It's nobody's business how many children we have. We're not on public assistance, so nobody can complain that my kids are a tax drain (they're not). I wasn't particularly worried about what my blog readers would say, since many/most of you are birth advocates, birth junkies, and/or birth professionals, and you will probably be happy and excited for me. Maybe you'll follow me on this journey. It's mostly acquaintances or complete strangers who make snide comments.

We believe that every child is a blessing and a gift from God. Even so, this was a bit of a surprise and I'm left feeling a bit unprepared to start alllll over again when things were just starting to get a little bit easier. My (former) youngest is 2 years old and can entertain herself somewhat. My kids can play independently and even make themselves a sandwich (and put all the ingredients away). All 4 of my kids can dress themselves (the oldest two help dress the 2-year-old) and even get themselves buckled into all their car seats in the van. I realize that these things will make life easier when the new baby comes. My children have always been big helpers for whoever the new baby was at a time, and they'll be even more helpful this time around. I'll figure it out, because people do.

Here's a list of stuff not to say to me, at the risk of me snapping at you. Don't push me or you might be on the receiving end of a pregnancy-hormone-laced response.

  • "Don't you know what causes that yet?" 
What I might reply: "Why yes, yes I do. In fact, I teach classes on it; would you like for me to draw you a helpful diagram?" 
What I'm thinking: "Do I look THAT dumb to you? Seriously??? No, I really DON'T know what causes that, because I'm an IDIOT. What do YOU think??? Do you really think you're the first smart-aleck to come up with that one, anyway?"

  • "You know there's a way to stop that, right?" 
What I might reply: "To each their own. I'm glad that your decision worked for you." 
What I'm thinking: "How rude! I don't tell others what to do with their bodies or whether they should or should not be using contraception or have surgery. What right do they think they have to tell me what to do!"

  • "Oh you poor thing. I don't know how you're going to do all that with 5 small children. You sure are going to have your hands full!" 
What I might reply: "I'd rather have my hands full than empty. We're really blessed. We love our kids."
What I'm thinking: "Some days I'm discouraged and intimidated and I don't know how I'll manage this, although I'm trusting God to give me grace to handle it the way He would have me to. However, I don't need any Eeyores hanging around telling me how awful it's going to be. The baby is coming whether you like it or not, so how about offering me encouragement or help or SHUTTING UP?"

  • "Are you trying to have enough to have your own baseball team?"
What I might reply: "Haha. Maybe. I hadn't really thought of that."
What I'm thinking: "Another genius who thinks he's original."

  • "How are you going to pay for college for that many children?"
What I might reply: "I'm an only child, yet somehow nobody managed to set aside money for my college. I was told from a very young age that I would earn an academic scholarship. I knew that I needed to work toward that goal, and I did it. Scholarships are a great possibility."
What I'm thinking: "College degrees have been devalued to the point that they might or might not be the best option for my children when the time comes. They may want to work in a trade or apprentice. Who knows?  Besides, what business is it of yours? How are YOU going to pay for college for YOUR children?"

  • "Are you sure there's only one baby in there???"
What I might reply: "I'm measuring on target for one baby. I'll see baby at the 20 week ultrasound. This is my 6th pregnancy in 9 years, so my body responds to pregnancy hormones and I 'show' very early."
What I'm thinking: "I'm sorry that you think I look like a COW. As if I weren't insecure enough about my belly without your help bringing me down. Try a little sensitivity."

  • "Are they all yours?"

What I might reply: "Yes, they are. We have good kids."
What I'm thinking: "No, they're *not* all mine, I just thought it would be a good idea to babysit a bunch of kids and drag them all over town instead of staying home for the few hours I'd be babysitting."

  • "Wow, better you than me!"

What I might reply: "I agree!"
What I'm thinking: "She set herself up for that one."

That's just the list for starters. I'm sure I'll think of others later. I've heard them ever since my 4th pregnancy (with Evan, the baby we lost in 2007) so this will make the third pregnancy where I have felt that I have to defend myself. Also, I know I'll feel better once I round into the second trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops substantially. Wondering whether this baby will make it has made defending myself doubly hard.

In spite of all that, I don't want anyone or anything to steal my joy. There's a baby inside of me!


  1. Many congratulations! And yes, every child is indeed a blessing - and I love your responses!! So happy to hear such special news!

  2. Congratulations to you and your family! I'm so very excited for you!

    I'll never understand why anyone ever has anything negative to say, but I understand, having heard it all before. Ignore them all! =)

  3. I'm so very happy for you! You and Rick are mightily blessed. May God bless you with many more! :)

  4. Sarah i am so very Happy for you and your Husband and the kids a new life no matter how many you have is a blessing.God be with and bless you all.

  5. Love your responses! I also have to say that I'm a teensy bit jealous- (bet you don't get that comment very often!) Children are ALWAYS a blessing, albeit sometimes a very disguised blessing. Congratulations!!!

  6. Love your responses!!


  7. for the ~don't you know what causes that~
    my boys (the older ones) say yeah well obviously you don't. Cracks me up
    It's all right. You will gain the patience you need to deal with them. It took me some time before I didn't get outraged and wanted to rip off all of their heads. :)
    You seem like a great mom.

    Fern~simple mom to 11 boys (yes 11 boys)...and let me tell you about the comments that come from having 11 BOYS.

  8. I'm from Utah so 6 kids doesn't sound completely insane to me:) Congratulations! I too am a teeeensy bit jealous. We won't be having our second for a while. It's bitter sweet.

    You must be a wonderful mom.

    I am excited to follow your pregnancy and hear what it's like to be pregnant with lots of little one to care for. We plan to have 3-5 ourselves.

  9. I think it's great. Do you have any comments for unwed moms who have multiple babies by different daddies?

  10. Congratulations!!! I think it's terrific news- and I bet anybody with more than 2 kiddos has heard many of those (insensitive) comments. Sometimes people have no sense at all!
    You have been richly blessed. I count my blessings every day (- even though Brooke is quite the challenge--you heard her at the babywearing meeting- she's something else!)
    Again, congrats!!!!

  11. 1) Congratulations :-)
    2) I'm the oldest of 6, and as an adult, it's awesome. I am so glad my parents had a few surprises after they thought they were done.
    3) Re: Don't you know what causes that -- My father was a minister in a tiny Vermont town when babies 5 and 6 were born. Several of the cute little old ladies at the church wanted one of the male board members to sit down with my father and explain to him that there were ways to prevent these accidents from happening. They were quite serious.
    I'm sorry some people are so tactless. God bless you and your growing family!

  12. So happy for you and so glad I get to join you on this journey. I love all of your responses and will be keeping a few in the back of my head when needed. :)

  13. Congratulations!! I am so happy for you, and wish you a healthy pregnancy, and a gentle delivery. Such exciting news! You are so wonderfully blessed. What a wonderful article, very well written. God bless!!

  14. I just want you to know I am going through the same senario you just wrote about...only I just found out 4 days ago! Thanks for making me smile and know someone is thinking the SAME thoughts right now!! :) We are even due around the same time! :)

  15. Thank you for the encouragement, everyone!

    Fern, kudos to you for having patience with comments you have gotten from people over your 11 sweet boys! I bet you have heard it all.

    Anonymous who asked "Do you have any comments for unwed moms who have multiple babies by different daddies?" I'm just floored by the things some people say. I guess it would depend on what the person said. Something like "My children are my greatest blessings/gifts/treasures" or something like that might suffice. Our children are our children, no matter how they came to us: birth, adoption, different dads, blended families/stepfamilies, etc. I would think that people would begin to get used to the idea. I realize people mean it innocently. If moms get that question even when the kids all look almost identical, then other moms are bound to get the same question if the kids don't "look like siblings."

    Jenny King, Wow, I'd love to hear how your dad responded with grace. It sounds as though the board members had the good sense not to have "the talk" with him.

  16. Congratulations! I had nine children, and remember all these comments and some others as well. I also remember a certain amount of ambivalence when first finding out that another one is one the way. With the last the ambivalence lasted for many months. And what a blessing she turned out to be; will graduate from college this Sunday.
    God bless your family.
    Susan Peterson

  17. Congratulations Sarah! I'm so excited for you! I got all kinds of comments while I was pregnant with James, and he's only my third child. Apparently a lot of people think that I shouldn't have had any more children because my oldest has autism... I just wish some people would keep their mouths shut if they have nothing nice to say.

  18. A friend of mine had that first question asked of her when she was pregnant with #4.
    Her answer: Yes! And we like doing it!

  19. Congratulations! We went through those comments for our 4th baby. Jokes on them, though...I love having a big family!

  20. Congratulations! I love that you are all prepared for various responses.

  21. Samantha, a friend of mine encountered similar reactions from people when she was pregnant with a planned, wanted baby when her previous child had Down Syndrome. People were astonished that she would still want another child. Their comments were really sad.

    Elizabeth, I've heard that reply, but I'm not brave enough to say it. Good for your friend!

    Enjoy Birth/Sheridan, thanks for dropping by!

  22. Your pregnant once again, Sarah! Congrats! =D It's okay if you get pregnant so many times, as long as you provide them your best love, care and everything! And with that, I want to get pregnant again! LOL!

  23. Congratulation Good Post
    Thank you very much
    Plan your Pregnancy as you like with home check Ovulation Kit now you can choose your time and date of pregnancy

  24. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I am pregnant with my sixth as well and have not told anyone yet, only 7 weeks and my oldest is 8 but will be 9 by the time baby is born. I also have 4 living children as I lost my only daughter to SIDS. She was my second born and I have had three babies after her. I hate ALL OF THOSE comments that I regularly get. It also kills me when people ask me if I am hoping/trying for another girl. (like that would somehow replace my daughter?) any way this brought so much comic relief to me so Thank you!

    Psalm 127:3-5
    Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
    The fruit of the womb is a reward.
    Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
    So are the children of one’s youth.
    How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
    They will not be ashamed
    When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

  25. Thanks for the encouragement, Jaymie, and congratulations on your newest blessing as well! Our little one fits right in our family and even though he's only 4 months old, it feels as though he has always belonged with us. I'm sure it will be the same for you. I'm so glad that you see your little ones as blessings. <3


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