Birth as seen by a childbirth educator's husband

My husband Rick BCC'ed me yesterday on an email he sent to an acquaintance who has been posting on FaceBook that she is expecting her first baby. To preface his analogy, my hubby is a mortgage lender and the acquaintance is a realtor.

Here it is:

"I'll preface this by saying I realize this is none of my business. You don't have to respond if you don't want to, and I won't bring it up again if you don't reply... ok?!? I'm only sending you this message because it's information you won't hear elsewhere unless you're really looking for it.

"Anyway, let's start by putting this in real estate terms, since you're very familiar with the industry. We can agree that you know WAY more about real estate than the average person, right? You know things about buying and selling property that most people will never know, and you know how to avoid the pitfalls and potential problems that can arise, simply because you have lots of experience and it's something you're interested in and passionate about. So, hypothetically, if you had a friend that was buying a home, you'd want to give them information that would be helpful to them-- especially if you thought they might be going down a road that could hurt them in the long run. If your friend was considering the purchase of an overpriced home that you KNEW had foundation problems and was located in a bad neighborhood, you'd hope they would seek advice from you before they wrote a contract. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed not to offer advice, even if they didn't come to you for it! Suppose you approached your friend, and brought-up your concerns about the price/location and foundation, and the friend said-- "Don't worry about it. I trust the seller!" You'd be a little concerned in this case, because you'd realize that the seller is the one party that has the most to gain, by your friend feeling comfortable with the property he's selling.


"Pregnancy/childbirth in today's society is very much like this story. Many hospitals and doctors are not giving advice that is best for the Momma and Baby. At best they're simply teaching you how to be a compliant patient, and at worse, they're giving advice and conducting procedures that lead to an increase in their bottom line. Remember, they're in it to make a living. A "complicated", medicated, surgical birth pays a lot more than the alternative. Do you realize that some of our local hospitals have over a 50% C-section rate? I actually had a friend post on FB the other day, that their doctor scheduled their C-Section for last Friday, because he was going to be golfing on Saturday and didn't want to be unavailable in case she went into labor! That doesn't sound like it was in the best interest of anyone but him! Did the mother know the risks of a C-section to mother and baby? Do you know the risks?Along those lines, did you know that early-term ultrasounds have been linked to an increased likelihood of a miscarriage? This probably wasn't told to you yet, but why wasn't it? You might still opt to have one done, but did they tell you the risks? Informed consent is one thing, but concealing information and/or risks is quite another. There are a many, many things that a new mother should know-- even at this stage of a pregnancy. The things best for Mother and Baby are not usually taught by the hospital and their associated birth classes etc, because they are a business that profits by getting you in-and-out as quickly (and as costly) as possible, so that they can move on to the next paying customer. It's important that you get information from a source that doesn't stand to gain or lose from your informed decision(s).

"To that end, I'd strongly, STRONGLY urge you to talk to my wife Sarah, about her pregnancy/child-birth class. Because I think so highly of you and your family, I really wish you would consider this before too much longer. Lest you think this is just a commercial for her business, I'd even offer that she'll do the class for you for no money (you should still pay her if you're amazed at what you learn though!). She is entertaining and knowledgeable and just a wealth of information. She is extremely passionate about what she teaches, and she can give you an unbiased education that you won't receive elsewhere, because she doesn't have to protect a birth-center or hospital, and she doesn't have to help contribute to their bottom-line. She teaches 1 night a week classes for a month, or will even do a one day, private, in-home class. The reason I'm sticking my neck-out here, is that I've seen so many friends get screwed-over because they "trust their doctor." To be fair, you might have the best doctor in the country, but just exactly like in the real estate world, you don't know, what you don't know.

"I can't tell you how many times Sarah gets calls from new moms that are having problems/concerns/difficulties with their newborns that could have easily been avoided, if the mother had been better educated during the pregnancy. Just like the example above, of your friend buying a home... it wouldn't be surprising to you if your friend couldn't sell the house later, due to the fact that they paid too much, the house has foundation concerns, and it's in a less-than-desirable neighborhood! You could have told her that before she even bought the house!

"I hope you're not offended by this email. I offer this advice only because you deserve to know. What kind of friend would I be, if your pregnancy/childbirth isn't exactly like you want it to be, when I could have given you the tools to make it better? Sarah's phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX-- even if you just want to talk about anything childbirth/pregnancy related."



I was so honored that my husband believes in me to the extent that he does. It meant a lot to me that he would say these things.

In case you're wondering, Rick's acquaintance to whom this email was addressed *did* reply to his email. It began, "Thank you for your concern, but I trust my doctor..." We're crossing our fingers that she doesn't end up with a birth story that's another predictable, pre-scripted, iatrogenic catastrophe.